Q What are 'Frequently Asked Questions' and how can I ask one?
A We are often asked this question. Please refer to the 'Frequently Asked Questions' section for examples of the genre.
Q Are The House Of Hatch products compatible with the new iPhone 15 Pro?
A The new iPhone 15 Pro was designed and built to be compatible with OUR products, not the other way round.
Q How on earth did the stare-out get to be on the telly?
A Oh not this again. Look, I've been through this a thousand times. It's a long story that'll have to wait for another time.
Q Does The House Of Hatch have an Only Fans channel?
A We are hard at work on it. In the meantime please enjoy this fruity image of the author which was originally presented to fans in his popular (and now sold out) 1995 mini comic The House Of Hatch.
Q Will purchases from The House Of Hatch make me more attractive to members of the opposite sex?
A Our extensive research indicates purchases from The House Of Hatch will make you more attractive to both sexes. Extensive analysis of our data also revealed a strong likelihood of sexual attraction from various alien lifeforms visiting earth as intergalactic sex tourists so watch the skys.
Q Is a version of The World Stare-out Championship Final available in Latin?
A Ita. Interpretes scholastici nostri dedicati nunc laborant in ludo singillatim tractato de coriario limitata editione quae in aquationibus (aut fortasse Waterstones) tuis loci proximo autumno emptionem in promptu erit.
Q I'm interested in working for The House of Hatch. Do you have any vacancies?
A Can you draw?
Q Does The House Of Hatch have a disabled tiolet?
A No, our toilet is fully functioning (see our comic Lost In Space 1 for an example of its use).
Q Where can I buy a fashionable Sigmund Spassky T-shirt?
A We are currently in negociations with high street retailers Marks and Spencers regarding an exclusive license for a House Of Hatch summer line.
Q What if I really hate products from The House of Hatch?
A Death to the infidel! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!!!
Q Mercy master! Will you at least reveal to us what's coming next from The House Of Hatch before your guards send us to the ferry man?
A Wait! We here at The House Of Hatch hear your pleas for mercy. Seeing as you asked nicely, we have a number of projects in the pipepipe including a revised and expanded second edition of the 2010 classic The Return of Spassky! This will be quickly followed by Lost In Space 2 (you'll know what to expect if you buy Lost In Space 1). We are also hard at work on a 'trilogy of trouble' comprising Swear-O-Rama 2: Papering Over The Cracks, a 44 page plus compendium of crudity and Token Gesture, a 40 page gag-fest featuring Radio 4 as you've never seen it before. Completing our threatening threesome will be a very special set of cards, the title of which we are withholding for commercial reasons. As if that's not enough to satisfy your comic book lust, The House Of Hatch will enter into the world of regular blogging with our continuing series The Story of Stare-out which will finally answer to one and all how the author became the luckiest twat alive and got the stare-out on the telly (plus all that followed). After all that it'll be a two year weekly online comic strip called The Doug. Guards...
Q Pssst! Master, what about Tales From The Cauldron 1 & 2 and the six issue comedy series The Adventures of Gilbert and George?
A Enough! KILL THEM! KILL THEM ALL!