Q What are 'Frequently Asked Questions' and how can I ask one?
A We are often asked this question. Please refer to the 'Frequently Asked Questions' section for examples of the genre.
Q Are The House Of Hatch products compatible with the new iPhone 15 Pro?
A The new iPhone 15 Pro was designed and built to be compatible with OUR products, not the other way round.
Q How on earth did the stare-out get to be on the telly?
A Oh not this again. Look, I've been through this a thousand times. It's a long story that'll have to wait for another time.
Q Does The House Of Hatch have an OnlyFans channel?
A We are hard at work on it. In the meantime please enjoy this fruity image of the author which was originally presented to fans in his popular (and now sold out) 1995 mini comic The House Of Hatch.
Q Will purchases from The House Of Hatch make me more attractive to members of the opposite sex?
A Our extensive research indicates purchases from The House Of Hatch will make you more attractive to both sexes. Extensive analysis of our data also revealed a strong likelihood of sexual attraction from various alien lifeforms visiting earth as intergalactic sex tourists so watch the skies.
Q Is a version of The World Stare-out Championship Final available in Latin?
A Ita. Interpretes scholastici nostri dedicati nunc laborant in ludo singillatim tractato de coriario limitata editione quae in aquationibus (aut fortasse Waterstones) tuis loci proximo autumno emptionem in promptu erit.
Q I'm interested in working for The House of Hatch. Do you have any vacancies?
A Can you draw?
Q Does The House Of Hatch have a disabled tiolet?
A No, our toilet is fully functioning (see our comic Lost In Space 1 for an example of its use).
Q Where can I buy a fashionable Sigmund Spassky T-shirt?
A We are currently in negotiations with high street retailers Marks and Spencers regarding an exclusive licence for a House Of Hatch summer line.
Q What if I really hate products from The House of Hatch?
A Death to the infidel!
Q Mercy master! Will you at least reveal to us what's coming next from The House Of Hatch before your guards send us to the ferryman?
A Seeing as you asked nicely, we currently have a number of projects on the boil including Swear-O-Rama 2: Papering Over The Cracks which is the fourth and final comic in our swearing series. After that work will commence on Lost In Space 3 and a reissue of the long lost House of Hatch project Crimewatch Milkyway (with Spanish artist Ana Herrera-Ortega). Another exciting comic book collaboration is currently in the pipeline, this time with cartoonist Robert Wells who will be doing the visuals on a six issue comedy series called The Adventures of Gilbert and George. As if that's not enough we are also working on a four issue series, Tales from The Madhouse of Hatch. Oh and if that's not enough there's the weekly online gag strip The Doug. Stay tuned to The House of Hatch is all we can say.
Q It sounds like there's a great deal going on in the head of Hatch. I can hardly wait!
A That's not a question but yes, we have many great plans and projects here at The House of Hatch all for the benefit of the comic buying public. Now if you'll excuse me I really have to get back to work.